I’m Loving What You Hate

Updated: Mar 13

“Sometimes you look in the mirror And point to every flaw on your face You say you need so many things to change Need that beach body, that perfect shape But as you walk away I’m loving those things that you hate”


~Joan Armatrading, Loving What You Hate

I LOVE this song!


It’s ace. It’s an epic choon, and I can be regularly found dancing around the kitchen to it. (Try it, go on.)

But more than that, I love what it says.


In the song, she is talking to the person she loves and telling them that the parts of them they don’t like about themselves, are the parts she loves.


We all have this. We’re the first to hold our hands up and obsess about our perceived ‘not good enoughs’, our perceived flaws: we’re too this, too that, not enough of this, could be more of that. We’re all self-conscious about something, wanting to hide something else; we change our behaviour and deny our true selves for fear of rejection. We’re not pretty enough, slim enough, we’re got funny teeth, a weird laugh, we’re too loud, too quiet, too sensitive, too bold.


The list is eeeeeeendleeeeeeeesssssss.


We struggle to see ourselves through the eyes of love, but the very things we reject can be the things that we’re loved for. Others see us, the real us, the warts-and-all version of us, knowing we’re exactly as we’re meant to be. They see that these ‘flaws’ are the parts of us that make us, us. And they wouldn’t change a thing. They love us because of them, not in spite of them:


“There is nothing I could hate about you Not for a moment You are just what I’m looking for Everything about you is what I want You are just what I’m looking for”


Seeing ourselves through the eyes of someone else can be the very catalyst we need to change how we treat ourselves.


A boyfriend of mine was self conscious of his belly, and would get shy about it. But I loved it. I called it his ‘Buddha belly’ and used to love resting my head on it. It was his ‘seat of wisdom’ I said, and it was perfect.


I was just as self-conscious with him. I have an odd mark on my stomach, and I was much happier when I could hide it from him! But in the same way he saw no flaw there. He would kiss it as he kissed me to sleep, and in that moment made me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth. I made a promise to myself there and then that I would see myself the way he saw me.


Imagine, seriously for a moment, if we were all perfect. Ohhh Emmm Geee, how BORING would that be? Everyone walking around like some kind of Barbie and Ken?? Errrr, no thanks.


So next time you’re on a downer, see yourself through someone else’s eyes. Treat yourself with the same love. Look at yourself square in the mirror, point out what you don’t like and decide, right there, right then, to love it. Affirm it Loud and Clear:


 ‘I LOVE THIS about me. Because THIS makes ME, ME!’

FULL LYRICS Joan ArmatradingLoving What You Hate


Sometimes you look in the mirror And point every flaw on your face You say you need so many things to change Need that beach body, that perfect shape


[Pre-Chorus] But as you walk away I’m loving those things that you hate


[Chorus] I’m loving what you hate Your brown eyes I’m loving what you hate You’re too shy I’m loving what you hate How you trust everyone I’m loving you Yeah, I’m loving what you hate


[Verse 2] In awkward moments you’d grab my hand for support You hate how you look os innocent How you laugh when you’re embarrassed You hate the way you talk

Could I love you more? I’m loving those things that you hate


[Chorus] I’m loving what you hate Your brown eyes I’m loving what you hate You’re too shy I’m loving what you hate How you trust everyone I’m loving you Yeah, I’m loving what you hate


[Bridge] As we walk around the neighbourhood You talk to strangers There is nothing I could hate about you now Now for a moment You are just what I’m looking for Everything about you is what I want You are just what I’m looking for Everything about you

Early on as I got to know you I noticed little things I love about you The way you smile, how you cherish the simple things Dance to no music and love the rain I’m so in love with you I love everything about you

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